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Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year's Resolutions - 2013

It's a tradition around the New Year to set "New Year's Resolutions". The idea is to reflect on your life and the past year and set goals to achieve certain things or improve oneself. I suppose in principle it's not a bad idea but in practice most people actually fail.

For starters, many people make rather vague goals such as "I'm going to exercise" or "I'm going to be a nicer person". It's not entirely clear what would count as "accomplishing" such goals.

A better approach is to make specific, achievable goals such as "I want to lose 10 lbs by the end of the year" or "I'm going to donate $1000 to charities". These are measurable goals so that when you fail in a couple weeks (and you know you will!) there will be no denying it.

So enough of this nonsense introduction. Here are my resolutions for next year.

  1. I'm going to eat more Edy's Double Fudge Brownie ice cream.

    This is actually a pretty vague resolution. I have no idea how much I ate in 2012 but it was probably quite a bit. And there's a reason for that. This stuff is amazingly delicious! And at 160 calories for 1/2 cup serving (who the hell eats only a half a cup of ice cream?), it's a great source of chocolatey goodness.

  2. I'm going to make more money.

    That's right. I'm going to get out some slick graphic design software and my trusty printer and literally make some more money. I figure it's only gotta be good enough to trick the machine that sells lottery tickets at the store. Then I can turn the winning lottery tickets into the real stuff.

  3. I'm going to lose weight.

    You might be wondering how I will do this if I'm busy eating my Double Fudge Brownie ice cream but have no fear; I have a plan! I figure if I just leave my weight wherever it is that I place my keys and wallet, I should have no problem losing weight. See, I told you this plan was impeccable!

  4. I'm going to quit drinking.

    And I don't mean alcohol (which is what most people who make this resolution are referring to). I'm talking about water. Human beings consume gallons and gallons of this stuff every year. But if Prahlad Jani is any indication, we don't have to! So I'm going to quit. Who's with me? 

  5.  I'm going to donate money to charity.

    And I've already picked out a good cause. The executives of HSBC will have their bonuses deferred for 5 years as a result of a Federal investigation involving years of drug money laundering. Now if these were not executives of banks, perhaps some inner city Hispanic or black men, they'd have their cars, homes and assets seized and end up spending years behind bars. But these are mostly priveleged white men and they deserve better treatment than this. Frankly, I think the 5 years of deferred bonus is too harsh a penalty. As a result, I will be making a charitable contribution to the executives at HSBC. They sure need it!
While making New Year's resolutions isn't always productive, I think there is value in reflecting on your life and setting achievable goals. So here's to making 2013 a productive year!

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